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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23443171">gasoline</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehelldoievenputhere/pseuds/thehelldoievenputhere'>thehelldoievenputhere</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>hopefully a smart!Chad series if my brain deigns to let me write it [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Descendants (Disney Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Gen, Songfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:48:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>805</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23443171</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehelldoievenputhere/pseuds/thehelldoievenputhere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Chad thought he was crazy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>hopefully a smart!Chad series if my brain deigns to let me write it [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686502</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>gasoline</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>bc rebelpaisley made me fall in love w/ smart!Chad</p>
<p>title &amp; song from gasoline by halsey</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>~Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?~</em>
</p>
<p>Sometimes Chad thought he was crazy. He felt like he was clawing at the insides of his mind more and more.</p>
<p>
  <em>~Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me? Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?~</em>
</p>
<p>Sometimes Chad wished he could do stupid things, reckless things, <em>teenage</em> things. He wished he could do what he wanted to for once, consequences or no. He didn't care. He just wanted to <em>do</em> something.</p>
<p>
  <em>~Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me? Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?~</em>
</p>
<p>If there were consequences, <em>he'd deal with it</em>. He'd think of something, he always did—and he didn't need the potions someone <em>always</em> tried to sell him in exam season for 'brain performance'. He'd deal with it.</p>
<p>
  <em>~Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?~</em>
</p>
<p>But he couldn't. No matter how stupid he <em>acted</em>, he knew it could only be words. If he did anything and it got back to his grandfather, like it definitely would, though, Chad would feel it for a week, <em>at least</em>.</p>
<p>It didn't matter that everyone laughed at him when he said something, at least they were laughing. Especially if it was the VKs. They didn't laugh enough. Who cared if they were laughing at him?</p>
<p>
  <em>~Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me? Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me?~</em>
</p>
<p>Who cared if people said it was lucky he had a pretty face? Who cared if people said it was because he definitely didn't have any personality, either?</p>
<p>
  <em>~And all the people say "You can't wake up, this is not a dream~</em>
</p>
<p>Who cared? Sometimes, Chad did. He clawed at his mind, wanting to get out, wake up, be himself. He wanted people to see him, to know him. They wouldn't hate him, then. <em><strike>But what if they still didn't like him?</strike></em></p>
<p>
  <em>~You're part of a machine, you are not a human being.~</em>
</p>
<p>But he couldn't do that. Not with his grandfather. He wouldn't get away with anything then. Right now, his grandfather preferred to keep him mostly hidden—a dumb, vacuous heir was nothing to brag about, not when the heir was male.</p>
<p>
  <em>~With your face all made up, living on a screen~</em>
</p>
<p>But still, Chad played his charm up—<em>especially</em> when his grandfather had company. A pretty face mostly spoke for itself, anyway.</p>
<p>
  <em>~Low on self-esteem, so you run gasoline~</em>
</p>
<p>Sometimes, Chad barely managed. It felt more and more like he was running on fumes.</p>
<p>
  <em>~I think there's a flaw in my code~</em>
</p>
<p>Sometimes, Chad felt like he'd been born wrong. Like there was something fundamentally <em>wrong </em>with him. Surely, not everyone was like this?</p>
<p>
  <em>~These voices won't leave me alone~</em>
</p>
<p>Sometimes, when Chad was clawing in his mind, trapped, he heard them all. He heard his classmates whispering and sniggering st his idiocy. He heard them say he and Audrey deserved each other, horrid that they both were. He heard his grandfather—he heard his grandfather.</p>
<p>
  <em>~Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold~</em>
</p>
<p>He wasn't—he wasn't <em>horrid</em>. He wasn't <em>mean</em>. He <em>didn't</em> belong on the Isle.</p>
<p>
  <em>~Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me?~</em>
</p>
<p>He felt crazy. He felt crazy all the time. He was <em>always</em> clawing at his mind, feeling trapped.</p>
<p>
  <em>~Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?~</em>
</p>
<p>Sometimes, Chad would say something clever just to let it hang there for a second, before laughing it off. Now, he had to bite his tongue to stop himself from calling <em>everyone else</em> stupid.</p>
<p>
  <em>~Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me? Pointing fingers 'cause you'll never take the blame like me?~</em>
</p>
<p>He couldn't help it. He was just so on edge. His mind was a mess. He knew because he was stuck in it. And it wasn't just clutter on the floor, it was a whirlwind. His mind just wouldn't fucking <em>stop</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>~And all the people say "You can't wake up, this is not a dream~</em>
</p>
<p>He couldn't get out. He needed to get out—he couldn't breathe—<em>he couldn't breathe</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>~You're part of a machine, you are not a human being~</em>
</p>
<p>He needed to—he needed to breathe. <em>People needed to breathe</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>~With your face all made up, living on a screen~</em>
</p>
<p>He was smiling—why was he smiling he couldn't <em>breathe</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>~Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline~</em>
</p>
<p>He managed a breath—and choked—that wasn't air—</p>
<p>He clawed <em>frantically</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>~I think there's a flaw in my code~</em>
</p>
<p>He couldn't breathe—he was wrong—he was <em>wrong</em>—<em>he was wrong</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>~These voices won't leave me alone~</em>
</p>
<p>Ohgod—ohgod—ohgod—</p>
<p>
  <em>~Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold.~</em>
</p>
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